“You have been called to this press conference because we have some (bad) news to share.
Never fear, because we (the N-1 management) have everything under control and we definitely have a plan. Yes for sure we do, we have a plan (we think; otherwise our collective a$$ is toast)! So, because we are all so sure our plan is solid, the bad news is not so bad after all. Agreed!?
Because life is tough, and because we (well actually our N who we are powerless to oppose and who we depend upon for financial favours) moved all upstream margin upstream (well duh!) and out of the country, we unfortunately need to declare the local business results for 2015 a total failure. As a result, despite your own personal cost of living having risen by at least 235% in the last couple of years, despite your own personal pain, we are unable to assist by granting anything better than a 0% salary increase for 2016.
We think we may review that decision later in the year (which we most likely won’t) and by the way – it’s business as usual. No, wait, not business as usual! We expect you to ‘do more’ and trust that you are happy and motivated. By the way, we have organised a super (forced-interaction) corporate picnic tomorrow (which is totally compulsory by the way).
So be happy!“
Really? Reminds me of the approach taken by the cANCer!
Sheeple who have succumbed to the Elastrator !!